Joyous Torture
by Kamrin Sangui
Summary: Humanstuck, Kurloz x Meulin, technically high school but not planning on doing anything with that. The cover image is used with permission from the artist homosexualpancakes. (tumblr).Kurloz and Meulin are dating and both musically talented, and you'll see from there. Alphas/betas are related. Also don't own hs. eventual trigger warnings.
1. Chapter 1

It was Saturday morning, and just like every other Saturday morning Kurloz was watching cartoons in the living room with his girlfriend Meulin next to him on the couch and his brother Gamzee on the floor in front of him. It was nice, spending time with them. They were all so busy all the time and it seemed like the more they tried to spend time together the busier things got.

Kurloz and Meulin, both being seventeen years old, had to start planning for college. Since they were both musically gifted, the wanted to try to get into the same school. Kurloz played the cello, and every so often if he was bored and everyone else was busy, he'd get all dressed up, paint his face to look like a skull, and take his cello into the busiest part of town. He'd play there for a while, inevitably managing to make a few bucks from the people that would stop and listen. Meulin sang and was constantly in some competition or show or local concert. Sometimes they'd preform together, and when they did they really turned some heads.

There was no real plans for the day, meaning that at some point Meulin was going to make him play for her and Gamzee would go down the street to Karkat's house. He didn't really mind that at all.

* * *

It was about six o'clock in the evening that day. Kurloz had been playing for a while, with Meulin listening silently a few feet away. He had just finished another song when he put the bow down and looked up at her.

"Isn't this about the time that I start playing for something for you to sing along to?" He asked, smirking slightly.

She smiled at him and stood up, going to his music stand and searching through the stack of sheet music until she found the one she was looking for, the one they made so that they could preform "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz together, with their own little flare of course. She put it down on top of the sheet of the music he just played, and he looked up at her, a wide grin on his face.

"I should have known." He said, picking the bow back up and beginning to play again.

The harmony they created was one that was near impossible to imitate. The gentle tenor tones of his cello, accompanied my the pleasant soprano pitch of her voice could cause even the most esteemed musicians to stop in their tracks and listen. It was like the soft patter of the rain that joins the quiet thunder that rumbles in the distance. Or the way that a group of strangers can come together and sing the chorus of a song with only that song being the similarity between them. The way they match but contrast so drastically was beautiful, like wind chimes and birds' songs, violins and bass guitars, a choir of small children singing the sweet, slow anthems of precious memories and all that's yet to come.

He peeked up from the sheet to watch his girlfriend, her eyes shut as she sang and swayed from side to side so subtly that it was only noticeable after close observation. The way that she would get wrapped up in the music was nothing short of mesmerizing. She carried her notes beautifully, transitioning flawlessly between them. It was just so natural for her, it's like she had done it every day of her life.

His fingers glided over the strings, the bow sliding with ease. He spent years mastering his instrument. It was practically an extension of his body, and he gets antsy if he doesn't play at least once a day. He's memorized plenty of songs, from Beethoven to modern day pop. He will even write his own if he feels compelled for such variety. He was confident in his skills, there was no reason not to be.

* * *

After a while longer, they settle down in the living room and watched a movie. It was about eight at night when Gamzee came back and saw them half asleep on the couch.

"You guys are so motherfucking lovey-dovey together, it's disgusting." He joked as he walked over and sat in his usual spot on the floor.

The pair sat up, yawning and stretching. They got up and Kurloz escorted Meulin to the door. She gave him a quick kiss and promised to come back in the morning.

**A/N: **ugh, it's off to a really slow start, but i promise it will get better. I had been meaning to write this story for a while and I needed to get a way to start it.


	2. Chapter 2

** A/N: **Sorry or not updating for a while, and sorry for, yet again, putting another song in this. Warnings for drug use and being kinda sappy at the end. And the song is Your Ex-Lover is Dead (Final Fantasy Mix) by Stars.

* * *

It was late Friday evening, the start of an extended break from school. Kurloz hadn't made any plans with anyone yet, but Meulin had told him that she would come over if he wanted her to. He had gotten his phone out and was looking through his contacts, considering who he could call and ask to hang out. He had his thumb hovering over the call button, weighing his options, when there was a knock at the door.

"Hey bro," Gamzee started off, "Dad just stopped by, said he was just grabbing a few things and going out of town for a while again. He left a few hundred dollars for food and shit. Wanna get stoned and order some pizza? You could call Meulin or something and we could get a few friends together and just, you know, chill. Everyone seems too motherfucking busy now, no ones seen anyone."

Kurloz paused for a moment, then nodded in agreement. He went back to his contacts and pulled up his girlfriend's number, stopping again before hitting call.

"Anyone you have a problem with coming over?"

"No more than the usual. What about you?"

"I don't know, I'm pretty okay with most of your friends. You should get Karkat to come over soon though, he hasn't been here in a while. You two still doing okay?"

"Last time I saw him we got in a fight, and a lot of things were said that probably shouldn't have been. I want to see him, and apologize, but you know how Karkat is..."

"Maybe I should say something to Kankri, as much as I don't like how much he talks. If I get him on one of his tirades, it might just force him over here. We live closer than his other friends."

"Kurloz-"

"Calm down, I was kidding. And I know that even if he were to come over he doesn't like the smoke. Do you want me to see if Meulin will bring Nepeta?"

"No, that's okay. I don't even know her that well."

"It's your loss." Kurloz says, giving a little shrug and finally calling his girlfriend. Gamzee takes this as his point to leave, going to get everything together ad set up in the living room.

* * *

Meulin arrived about fifteen minutes later, wearing an over-sized, dark green sweater, the one that had been unofficially titled her "I'm tired" sweater. Kurloz met her at the door and she had him a medium container full of cookies and they exchanged a quick kiss.

"Those are from Nepeta." She said, pointing at the container.

"I'll have to call her later and say thanks." He responded, opening the door so she could slip by.

* * *

Kurloz took a hit off the joint before passing it to Gamzee. The room was filled with smoke, and whatever music Gamzee had put on slowly cut through and entwined itself with the smoke, twisting and flowing like a lethargic mating dance. Kurloz stared up at the ceiling, watching the dance unfold before his eyes. A tale of forbidden lovers; both intangible to everyone, including each other, but only letting this fact drive them to be together. The smoke, traveling upwards in puffs until it would dissipate somewhere towards the ceiling, was always destined to be invisible and die out somewhere in the distance; always destined to suffer the same fate as its soul mate, but in a slightly different manner. In a slightly shorter lifespan, leaving its never visible lover at a loss until it too would gradually be smothered and cease to exist. A haunting melody and an eerie spirit, twisting and turning endlessly, hand in hand until they both separate within themselves, becoming no more; though no longer on a physical plane, they twist and turn throughout all eternity as lovers that were never meant to be, yet destined for each other.

Kurloz looked over to Meulin, then smiled at her, thinking about their own "dance" of sorts. He then got up from where he was on the couch and went to where Gamzee had connected his laptop to one of the speakers from the radio. He turned off the music that was playing and opened a browser window, looking back over to his girlfriend as he typed.

"I found a remix of a song the other day that I ended up really liking. I think it'd be nice to dance to." He said, pulling up the song and clicking play before he moved over to her and held out his hand.

A short series of female voices began, in place of the tenor-baritone medium that started the song off before. Meulin grabbed her boyfriend's hand, standing as the music started. Violins starting at a high pitch slid into a low. A piano joined in, creating a steady rhythm that the couple could fall into. A heartbeat-like back beat began just before a male voice began to sing. His voice sounded like he had sung this song decades before the pair had come into existence. They kept dancing in their familiar routine as harsh violins sounded and slid back into silence, moving about the room in a steady, traditional sort of waltz. Their hands together, fingers intertwined, they moved slowly. In sync to the dreamy, melodic constant that cradled them in a state of peace and relaxation. The smoke in the air began to dance around them, keeping in time with their every movement. The smoke partnered with the music once again, starting into their habitual dance made up of twists and turns, spins and twirls, mimicking their human counterparts in a poetic expression of the love they harbor for their partners. The couple's hearts beat together, seemingly at the same time as the one in the song. The man and woman in the song were singing together now, their voices creating such harmony with not only each other, but the ominous, ghostly tune and the mood set in the entirety of the moment.

Everything was reaching it's peak, yet noticeably starting to die down. Kurloz gave Meulin a twirl. The violins picked up and silenced for the last time, leaving just the piano to play on its own. All alone it brought about the end of the song, settling it down, nestling it down gradually like a mother preparing its child for sleep. As if it had the conscience not to abandon a couple dancing alone as all others parted.

They stood there in silence. A soft, almost inaudible static passing through the speaker was the only sound warding off a deafening stillness in the room. Kurloz shifted slightly, laying his forehead on Meulin's, gazing softly into her incredibly vibrant green eyes. The gentle smile that spread across said all the things he would never find himself capable to find the words for; the smile that she returned said all the things she'd never dare to speak aloud. The world seemed to melt away for a moment as they kissed. Not the little pecks they'd exchanged for the last week or so, but so much more. The kind of kiss that said so much, the kind that left their lips tingling. When they finally pulled away, they shared a quick glance before they both started to giggle.

Gamzee stared at them like they were insane, which just caused them to laugh more before they sat down and started to pass around the joint again.


	3. Chapter 3

Sunday eventually rolled around, taking its sweet time to lazily shift into Monday like there was no difference and time didn't matter. There was no school still, but the day seemed to drag on like any other day that would normally have been spent sitting in a classroom. Luckily there was no one around to drone on about generally uninteresting topics.

Kurloz laid in bed, staring at his ceiling. It was about three in the afternoon, but he had been laying there like that since about twelve thirty. His room was dimly lit, the only light coming from what little of the sun was being filtered through the shades on the window.

The level of boring that his current standing was seemed unachievable, even if he were in class right now. Gamzee had left hours ago; he couldn't quite remember where he said he was going, but he trusts his little brother will call him if his sweet times go sour. Meulin was off spending time with her family, and he knew not to interrupt. He had tried to contact a few people earlier that morning, but to no avail. Even Mituna was busy.

He sighed softly, looking over to where his music stand was, and his cello which was tucked away in its case nearby. He hadn't played in a few days; he wasn't sure if he wanted to just practice. No, he wanted to preform. It had been weeks since he had gone down to his usual spot. He missed the feel of playing in front of more people than there had been in the confines of his home.

He slid out of bed, gathering his things and starting the process of preparing himself. He showered quickly before standing in front of the bathroom mirror in just his pants. It took him about ten minutes to do his makeup; his experienced hands knew the familiar pattern as well as any song he'd taken the time to learn. He pulled on his long sleeved black shirt, buttoning it before doing the same with his purple vest. He smiled at his reflection as he fixed his tie, which was the same intense white as the skull he had created on his face. He put all his makeup back where it belongs, messing up his hair a little extra prior to vacating the bathroom.

He considered walking to the shopping plaza, but decided against it since he'd have to lug his cello back and forth. He put his cello in the backseat of his car, then slid into the front seat. It was an older car, almost as old as he was, but besides a few dents and scratches in was in pretty good condition, despite being fickle on occasion and not wanting to start. Thankfully this wasn't one of those times; it started on the first try and he kicked it into reverse without a problem.

He pulled up by the plaza a few minutes later, parking a little ways away to ensure nobody would see him getting out of his vehicle. He strolled to the fountain in the middle of the square, settling into his normal corner. He was always especially careful when he was about to preform, taking care to make sure all of his movements were elegant and smooth.

He brought his cello out of its case, handling it gently to prevent any dings or scratches. It was practically his child, and he took care to treat it as such. He left the case open as always, with fliers for the upcoming school orchestra and choir concerts; there was no shame in a bit of advertising.

No one paid any attention as he made sure his cello was tuned, or even when he started to play. It wasn't until he got to the chorus of the song that anyone recognized what he was playing. People stopped to listen, some of them even sitting down. He smiled a little when he heard a few people humming along.

This was his favorite part of preforming. He loved how people would stop what they were doing to enjoy something that at times could seem so trivial. So many of them rush through their day to day lives; none of them stop to relax, none of them stop to appreciate the beauty of things, or even acknowledge the little things in life. They're just too busy.

He began to play a slow song, one of those that lasted through several generations. The kind of iconic song that always sends you back into memories of when times were good; when things were simple and easy and nobody fought. His eyes slipped shut as he played louder, reaching the part in the song that always had the symbol for forte by it on the sheet music. He let himself become engulfed in the melody, his entire body embracing the flow of the notes. He played in a way that his teacher would have described as "focoso", a word that he had heard at one time when he first started playing that he had to look up later.

When he opened his eyes again he was amazed to see an elderly couple dancing in the middle of the square. They moved gracefully, gazing into each others' eyes with a passion as if they were young lovers. It was a sweet, lighthearted dance despite the mood of the music. A few more pairs joined in soon after. He watched with a small smile as they enjoyed themselves.

The man from the elderly couple came up to him after that, dropping a twenty dollar bill into his case and grabbing a couple fliers as he stood back up. Kurloz smiled at him, nodding in gratitude. The man smiled back, winking at him as he walked away.

Kurloz played for another hour after that, playing a few songs that were mostly unheard of before finishing up with Hey Jude for good measure. Many people had taken his fliers, a few more being taken as he packed up. He laid his cello on top of everything, planning on counting the money once he got home.

* * *

He counted it all out when he got home. He earned just under a hundred dollars, thirteen of the orchestra fliers got taken, and eight of the choir ones were as well. He took the money, stashing most of it in a box he had hidden away in a hole in the wall he had carved out years ago. The rest he stored in his wallet. He smiled to himself as he laid back on his bed and pictured the look on his girlfriend's face when she saw what he was planning on buying her.


	4. Chapter 4

Meulin came over the next day. There was actually quite a few people over the next day. There wasn't anything particularly special going on, it just happened to be the day that everyone seemed to be free. Meulin and Mituna came over, and Mituna brought Latula but no one had a problem with that. Terezi tagged along with Latula, and she was currently pestering Gamzee about something. Gamzee had a few friends over, too. He managed to convince his friend Tavros over, who was showing off his new prosthetic legs to him. Gamzee insisted that Karkat would be over later, but Kurloz had his doubts.

Gamzee got into his stash, pulling out one of the joints he had rolled a while ago to make things easier. He had already checked to make sure it was okay with everyone if he and whoever else smoked; no one opposed. He lit it, taking a couple hits before passing it. Everyone had at least one hit, some just for the sake of trying it.

Half an hour later another joint began to make its way around the room, but only the normal three were doing it. Ten minutes later everyone was successfully over the moon. Kurloz put on some stupid kid's movie, which had such indescribably horrible acting they all laughed their asses off at the dumbest things.

Halfway through the movie Kurloz started to try and convince Meulin to give him a little purple trinket she had bought a little while back. He had no use for it, but he figured Gamzee would like it, and with his little brother's recent luck it might cheer him up. She gave it up with no protest, and he stored it in his pocket to give to his brother later.

The rest of the night went by almost unnoticed. The only difference was that Karkat did actually end up coming over, seemingly more loud and aggressive than usual. He seemed distraught about something; Gamzee decided the best thing to do was go on a walk with his friend, who seemed to have calmed down once they got back.

* * *

Kurloz woke up the next morning to find everyone scattered throughout his living room. He thought everyone would have gone home, but apparently all their parents were okay with them staying the night, since no one was pounding on the door to try and find their kid. He had to keep himself from laughing when he saw Gamzee and his friends all cuddled up to one another, fast asleep. He thought they were all past their cute phases.

He tiptoed out of the room, crossing the house to get to the kitchen. It was especially rare for everyone to be over like this, and considering he was the first one up, Kurloz decided he would make breakfast for everyone. They were all about to get treated to chocolate chip pancakes; Meulin and Gamzee liked them a lot, so he hoped everyone else would, too.

Kurloz got to work making the pancakes, tripling his normal recipe to accommodate for the amount of people. He tried to be as careful and quiet as he could to try and keep from waking up everyone, but he was still kind of tired, and pretty groggy from just waking up. About halfway cooking the food he began to fall asleep at the stove; his yell of pain and frustration from burning himself on the pan caused his brother to come running to the kitchen.

"Man, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just burnt myself a little. Don't worry about it."

"Those pancakes look good. Do you want some help?"

"If you want to butter them while I cook that would be pretty awesome."

The rest of the food got cooked without further incident. A few more people woke up in the time it took for the rest of it to cook, each of them eventually wandering to the kitchen to find the source of the smell. Kurloz sent them all back to the living room, telling them all to relax until he came and got them.

Kurloz and Gamzee brought everybody their food, feeling that it'd be nicer to do that than have everyone get up and get it themselves. They had to wake most of them up, but no one objected to being woken up once they found they were being offered food.

After everyone was awake and full, they all eventually left, including Gamzee, who went down to Karkat's and left Kurloz home alone. He didn't mind the alone time, especially after having so many people over.

He went to his room, bringing his laptop out of the drawer it was stored in and sitting on his bed. A quick Google search brought up the online store that Meulin had told him about, the one that had the cat sweaters with the zipper mouth that she had wanted. He ordered a green one, then put in the information for the prepaid credit card that he earlier with all the money he worked up. He bought a few other things for his girlfriend with what was left on the card, including a ring with an olive colored jewel and the words "I love you" inscribed on it. He didn't rush the shipping, because it'd be the same whenever it got there.

* * *

**A/N: **sorry for the two kind of short chapters, and for not updating for a while. I'm gonna try to start updating a little more regularly until this is finished up.


	5. Chapter 5

School had been back in session for a couple weeks now, and it had been composed of nothing but quizzes and Kurloz or Meulin having to stay after school for rehearsals. This particular Thursday was Meulin's turn; her concert was next week and Kurloz could tell she was feeling the pressure. Especially since some talent scout from the college she wanted to go to was coming out to see her preform, and she had a solo on top of that.

"She was supposed to have been out here ten minutes ago." Kurloz stated bitterly as he glanced at the clock on his phone. He had been leaning against his car so that his girlfriend could see where he was at when she came out.

He watched as people left the building, and eventually his car was the only one in the parking lot. Frustrated, he began his march up to door to the fine arts wing of the school to see what was taking her so long.

He had made it about twenty or so feet from the door when she finally came out. He stopped and waited for her, and she smiled when she saw him. Meulin had made it about fifteen feet from the building when it started.

The entire fine arts division, and then some, exploded.

The shock waves expelled from the explosion knocked the pair to the ground. When Kurloz finally scrambled back to his feet the entire part caught in the explosion was in ruins, bricks crumbled and fire spread; and Meulin was still laying on the ground.

He stumbled over to her, shaking her shoulder in an attempt to get her to wake up. When she didn't, he did his best to pick her up, then proceeded to stagger over to his car and place her in the passenger's seat, buckling her before rushing into the driver's seat.

He was in a panic. His heart was racing, as well as his mind; everything seemed to be going in slow motion, which made him freak out even more. His speedometer said that he was going seventy miles an hour, but he felt like he was doing fifteen. There was no way he was going to slow down. He had to get Meulin to a doctor to make sure she was okay. He glanced over at her, frowning with concern. When he looked back at the road, it was just in time to watch as he came into a head on collision with a car in oncoming traffic.

He couldn't stop it.

* * *

He sat in the car with his head on the steering wheel, the bottom of which was lodged painfully in the lower part of his ribcage, pinning him to the seat. It took him a minute to realize what had happened, and when he did all he could think about was Meulin. He turned his head to the side as much as he could; his view of her wasn't that good, but he could see enough. She was still unconscious, but now she was also bleeding from a gash on her forehead, more than likely gained by hitting her head on the dash.

He sat up, albeit painfully, and began to look around for the best means of getting himself unpinned. He hadn't noticed that the windshield had shattered until he got a handful of glass shards while trying to reach for the door handle.

He stared down at his bleeding hand, stuck in a state of utter helplessness as he came to the conclusion that he couldn't work his way out of the situation himself this time. His panic didn't wear off; it heightened more than anything as time crept on.

The man driving the other car came running as soon as he maneuvered his way out of his own involvement of the wreckage to see if Kurloz and Meulin were alright. He couldn't find it in him to answer the man. He didn't move a muscle. Not when the sirens could be heard in the distance, or even when the paramedics rushed to the scene.

He didn't let them take him out of the car until Meulin was safely in an ambulance and on her was to the hospital.

They carefully pulled him from the car, making sure to avoid his abdomen. When he saw his car, he realized how horribly this could have ended. He saw himself in the small windows in the back doors of the ambulance and saw how pale he had gotten. He was beginning to sweat, and he noticed now how shallow his breathing was.

The ambulance had just started moving when he heard one of the paramedics say something about shock. They forced him to lay down and elevated his legs. They checked his pulse frequently. They kept asking if he was comfortable, not stopping until he got snippy with them.

* * *

At the hospital, the doctor told Kurloz that he had internal bleeding and two fractured ribs after he had run a couple tests. A nurse got to work plucking the glass shards out of his hand while another set up an IV. They assured him it was a slow rate of bleeding, that it should stop on its own soon enough, but that they would be checking up on him often to make sure that it does. The nurse working on his hand finished quickly, firmly bandaging it before exiting. Kurloz took this as a good time to text his brother and tell him to meet him at the hospital.

* * *

Gamzee came rushing into the room half an hour later, having had Kurloz get him a ride with the Leijons. He looked like he was on the verge of tears as he barged through the door, before stopping in his tracks a few feet from Kurloz, dumbfounded.

"Is that it? Is it just your fucking hand that's hurt?! Do you know how FUCKING WORRIED I WAS? I swear to god I should kick your a-"

"It's more than my hand. Thanks for your concern."

Gamzee silently stood there for a moment before carefully sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry, bro. I shouldn't have snapped like that."

"It's fine, don't worry about it. I deserve someone yelling at me right now. The accident was my fault."

"It can't be your fault if it was an accident. Listen man, sometimes things in life just happen and you don't have any control over it. Shit's gonna get wrecked from time to time and you just gotta cope. Y'know?"

"Yeah, I know..."

"Are you okay? How bad is it?"

"A couple fractured ribs and some internal bleeding. Besides that I'm fine."

Gamzee nodded in response. The room was still for a few moments before Kurloz hesitantly spoke again.

"Does dad know?"

"I sent him a text and told him you were in the hospital, and he just said he'd wire the money for the bill. Nothing else."

"So he doesn't even fucking care?"

"No! I mean, he cares... I don't know, maybe he's just busy right now."

"No, Gamzee! He's never cared about us! He never has and he never fucking will! He doesn't love up or anything, he just makes sure we don't die and have a place to live. That's about as much as it goes for caring on his part! We're nothing to him!" Kurloz screamed at him, trying hard to hold back the tears that defied him and fell anyways.

Gamzee watched him for a moment before gently hugging him around his shoulders.

"Who cares about him. I love you. We have each other, right? We don't need him." Gamzee whispered as he stroked the fine hairs on the back of his brother's neck. He held him as he cried, telling him over and over that it was okay, that he was there for him and he loved him.


End file.
